The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
