I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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