another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
