You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
