I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
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