Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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