you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
