Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
