Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
