I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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