I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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