after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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