i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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