I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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