If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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