I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
