I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
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My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
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Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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