I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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