I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
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Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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