I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Please don't give away my fajitas
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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