id be glad to
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
