remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
