my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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