he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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