Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
