What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
