guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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