Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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