the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
