Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
this boner is exhausting
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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