Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
