Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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