Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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