Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
