i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
