he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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