You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
