it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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