dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
