Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
