Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
