You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I will be naked everywhere
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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