nut hugger
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
