Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
