There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
