I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
