moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
