The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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