I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
