I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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