Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
