Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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