yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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