drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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