found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
