he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
it's like heaven, but drunker
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
