Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Randomize
