I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
