Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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