I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
