Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
