i think i have two assholes
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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