they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
