Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
