help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
