We should be called the Road Head Warriors
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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