Whod you bang
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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