Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
